Saturday, September 25, 2021

What My Artist Says (new poem)

 


What My Artist Says
by Tim Kavi

there won't be any stopping me now
the words are flowing
the lamps are burning oil
the afterfires are burning

and it won't matter to me
because the fire is burning 
purging the blues away
no matter what time of day

what matters is the work
the flowing words that drop
like paint on a blank page
that bring a meaning I never observed

that brings happy memories
joyful sad juxtapositions of place
in the black-shrouded dropcloth
of space, there is only me in the void

can I bravely create?
no shrinking back? no holding back!
until the words are done
the colors set

destroyed by Siva
sands wiped by monk sweeps
in the morning of my next
existence, I will keep saying

words of the artist
painting painting painting painting
I don't care what you think
let me just throw paint!

damnit, help me
or get out of the way 
can't you see my tears 
are starting to flow?

to the spaces, and creases
I don't want to go
but when the work is finished
is it a work on me?

or something I needed to say
to help society?
I don't know, I just want to throw
to hurl paint

at the whispering wind
the canvas of Nature
catches it, as it is expressed
in my deepest heart!

and around the next bend
the curtain is pulled back
revealed for what the deeper 
purpose has wrought

until the sands of time
move someone else to say it again
and again, fooling transcendence
but never cheating the permanent void

there is the going, the turning
the burning nights, the glorious sights
of Her reveal, muses eternal
proclaiming what is to be read

because on Her lips it has already
been said, across the ancient skies
since time has been born
down below her hips

the birthing of all that is
in countless stories told, 
pages worn, heartbreaks torn
in the light of history's torch

frames of flickering images
burn my sand burned eyes now
tell more stories, with much 
more disguise, but still

flickering shadows reveal 
the cave wall, of artists' 
inspiration, in a great reveal
there it is! There it is!

now showing
no hiding what has been done
just the completed picture
until tomorrow's sun.

Monday, September 6, 2021

PTSD (new poem)

 


PTSD (new poem)
by Tim Kavi

don't touch me

for I am so afraid

that I wonder

if my life


can ever be remade

but I keep on living

keep on trying

just to keep on


your gentle noises

resound like cannons

and gunfire

in my ear


the startle response

betrays my heart

of fear, whenever

threats feel near


sometimes I do not

feel like I am here

but in another place

numbed by grace


and at night, oh!

at night, I am afraid

to go to sleep

for You are there


my abuser, my assailant

You who hurt me

are in my dreams

so many times


it's hard to cope

but I am learning to manage

and rebuild my life

for to not do so


is to lose all hope.  

Afterword--written by Tim Kavi, a sufferer of PTSD!