Confessions
By Tim Kavi
Did you ever want to tell
Someone on fluttering wings
that you loved them? Tell
them again and again.
The flight of the winds and
currents of time and history
pulled at you, snatched at you
and carried you away from them?
Sometimes they did not know
sometimes they were unwilling
other times they did not care at all?
They may have even allowed the wind
to carry them away.
Yet you yearned to proclaim
testify and shout no matter what
a fool you looked?
That you loved them so much
while some said the culture, the times.
the language made you all wrong for them,
but in your heart you felt it was right
and they said it too, in their authentic
moments?
You tried so hard to in your efforts
because you never wanted to fly away
from them? The universe clutching you
in its mighty fist, while you were enclaved
in the rocks and cliffs of a despair
that never lets you go, and you could not,
would not, speak it to them?
Did you ever see in their eyes the
loathing wrongness of your fluttering approach
so that they missed you, not one bit? Until
famished, you are not hungry, until
thirsty, you did not dare drink?
Longing for them in the loneliness
of your despair, you loved, although
no answers to your prayer? Delicious
entreaty feeds your stomach with
the aching sourness of your existence?
Only to be told, they did love you
did want you, did need you, but they held
back? If only you paid attention, did not
faint, never gave up, hoped the
hopes that all is not lost? Until
the suffering quietness of their bold
assertion that they would 'love you forever'
but you found out they did not?
It is only then, that you realize,
know, absolutely certainly that you
are only alone utterly and can
only love yourself? Yet you did not
let go of that walk along the
narrow ridge. Searching for the bridge
to another human heart?
For it is only then that you can
begin to see the Other. Coming
from the other side of the
abyss? Waiting for their kiss?
Waiting so long that temples
fade into dust. Clouds eddy
together in the collapse of
empires, dynasties, and governments?
There is no unruly soul, as this;
those that thought love had
kissed but only was left to this?
The utter despair, loneliness, and
unwillingness of one who has lost
their way?
Not giving up hope, the Seeker searches,
crosses the rope bridge, that swings
in the wind of existence? Precarious
search to a blind alley, but faith
persisting, guides to habitat of heart,
reveals a path to that
certain kiss?
Of the Other lonely, and knowing
one you had found each other that
all hope was finally not lost? And
once finding each other, clinging to
one another with a grip everlasting
hounding, seeking you out wherever
you went in the Universe?
Knowing completely at last this, that
in your twin knowing there is only
the oneness of each other? Finding
peace at last in a love steady
and true, that never parts. As you
beat your wings in the steady above
and pulse of the other's heart?
To persist, to remember, to find love
again in the absolute surrender to each other.
